August is the most popular month for Swedes to get married. And in a country that claims to be secular, a surprisingly large number of people choose to tie the knot in a church.
A civil marriage does not have to take place at City Hall; a grassy meadow will do just as well. Photo: Thomas Saeys/www.imagebank.sweden.se
Swedes have had the right to civil marriages since 1863, and the country was among the first to allow civil partnerships for homosexuals, which give them rights similar to those of a married couple. Many couples opt out of marriage altogether, registering themselves as ‘sambo’, that is, partners living together. Others refer to themselves as ‘särbo’, a term used to describe a couple with romantic ties that doesn’t live together.
But despite having many options, in a country that is open-minded and often at the forefront of change, many Swedes still prefer to get married the traditional way – in church.
Sofia Boij, editor of the Bridal Magazine Group’s Bröllopsmagasinet says that 76 percent of the magazine’s readers choose to marry in a church. “Many Swedes like the thought of a traditional wedding and all that accompanies it: a white wedding dress, a bouquet with roses, a big wedding cake and a church wedding.”
A blogger on the popular Passagen website concurs: “When I get married it will be in church, with candlelight and Mendelssohn’s 'Wedding March,'” she writes.
A grip on traditions
Most Swedes tend to use the church when it suits them, from baptisms and marriages to end of school term celebrations. Many value the church for its atmosphere and sense of tradition rather than as a house of religion.
Boij says: “For many, the church is a beautiful place to claim eternal love in, whether a person is religious or not.”
But Tuulikki Koivunen Bylund, minister and dean of Uppsala Cathedral, says that the ceremony is indeed a religious one, and at least one of the pair has to be a member of the Lutheran Church of Sweden. She believes that many people feel they “need the blessing of a higher power” when important things, like weddings, happen. “I also think that many couples want to keep this tradition alive,” she adds.
With so many alternative wedding styles, guests might do well to inquire about particular dress codes before the big day. Photo: Thomas Saeys/www.imagebank.sweden.se
Not all Swedes say their vows in a church. A rise in immigration has brought with it new customs and other religions. And then there are those who simply prefer to keep the church out of their private lives.
City Hall works too
Legally, there is no difference between getting married in church or City Hall, but for those who like pomp and circumstance, the civil ceremony might not cut it. The “long” version takes approximately two minutes to complete. Wedding consultant Mia Delin, at Carisma Bröllopskonsulterna, says that other popular spots to marry are near the water or in a grassy meadow.
She says Swedish weddings cost about SEK 100,000 (USD 15,000) on average and the really big ones can add up to as much as SEK 500,000, including live bands, flowers, food, drinks and honeymoon travel costs. “More people can afford to get married today and it has become somewhat fashionable to have a large, expensive wedding,” Delin says.
According to the Bridal Magazine Group, turnover in the Swedish wedding industry is between SEK 5 and 6 billion a year,
Etiquette and games
It never hurts to know a thing or two about dress code and etiquette before you arrive at a wedding. At Swedish ones, the dress code is usually indicated on the invitation. For women, strictly black is a no-no, as are white dresses, unless you are trying to compete with the bride.
You’ll rarely see a father handing over his daughter to the waiting groom at a Swedish wedding. Instead, the wedding couple marches into the church (or other venue) together.
At the reception, anyone can make a speech, so long as they inform the toastmaster in advance. It’s not unusual for friends, family members, colleagues and others to give speeches as drinks loosen up the crowd. There is often singing and silly games played with the bride and groom, and at any time throughout the meal, guests might start clanging on their glasses; a signal for the bride and groom to kiss each other.
More kissing goes on when the bride or groom leave the room. When the bride’s out powdering her nose, other women are free to kiss the groom. And when the groom’s away, other men will have their chance to kiss the bride. How many marriages have broken up over this little wedding tradition is anyone’s guess.
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For freelance writer Cari Simmons, there was no long, white dress, no wedding march, and no candles in a church – just a civil ceremony and a marriage that has surpassed the 12.5 year divorce average.
The author alone is responsible for the opinions expressed in this article.
Classification: A208EN
© Photo 1: Adam Haglund/Maskot
© Photo 2: A Nikulin/Scanpix
© Photo 3: Thomas Saeys/www.imagebank.sweden.se
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